Don’t be confused by the title, Clive James is not a racing driver, that is he wasn’t until Stirling Moss gets a hold of him and takes him through a crash course on how to become one. I suppose we could debate whether this actually constitutes a film, so lets be clear this was a two part made for TV series which you can now view as a single 52 minute feature in a variety of online formats. The basic premise of the show is Clive James has been invited to drive in the celebrity race as a support category to the 1987 Australian Grand Prix and he has enlisted the help of Stirling Moss to coach him along the way. So this film brings together two recently departed legends who demonstrate why they were so dearly loved in their respective crafts.
For those who don’t know author, TV presenter and comedian Clive James had a strong affinity with motor racing and in particular Formula 1. As a result, throughout his career he made a number of media contributions to the motor racing world that are absolute gems. Some particular favourites of mine are his narrations of the F1 season reviews 1984 – 1986 and a 1997 panel show he did with almost the entire F1 field for the season. In this panel show he asks some particularly outrageous questions and it is hard to imagine drivers being willing to progress with a show like this now days. James got away with this however, I think largely because of his personality and the respect he had in the broadcasting and sporting world. He also would dish out his witty comments and sarcasm fairly, never appearing to favour or victimise a particular individual. In ‘Clive James – Racing Driver’ we see him turn himself into the focus of his sarcasm and wit.
Unbeknownst to Moss, Clive James is not a particularly competent driver, in fact, he has hardly ever driven a car and does not currently hold a driver’s licence. When James turns up for his first coaching session with Moss at Goodwood, Moss thinks he is joking, however, it becomes obvious he is not joking when James tries to clarify what the three pedals are for. The first part of James' journey is to learn to drive and get a licence. He starts an intensive driving programme which we see him getting the basics of hill starts, backing round corners and managing the clutch.
The film is full of many classic Clive James one liners. A lot of these emerge when James discusses his physique as he starts to embark on a gruelling regime to build up the fitness to race a car around the hot streets of Adelaide. He drops some great one liners about some of the other celebrities too, “Rowan Atkinson, like the prince of wales has owned a succession of Aston Martins since he was in kindergarten” and “Miss Australia, Judy Green, got her first taste of speed when riding her tricycle away from boys”. The film is littered with celebrities such as Rowan Atkinson and Greg Norman. Alain Prost appears to give some driving advice. Bernie Ecclestone manages to drum up a cheer squad to give James support. Alan Jones and James Hunt makes an appearance to have a chat with their shirts off unnecessarily. Nigel Mansell and Ayrton Senna a there too. If you look really closely at some of the race scenes you will see that one of the cars was driven by David Lange who was the current New Zealand Prime Minister at the time. Imagine that, an active Prime Minister taking some time out to go racing!! (If you don’t believe me check the photo.) In terms of celebrities I think this short two-part feature may have “the greatest list ever assembled” in a motor racing film.
As well as the celebrities themselves the car they are set to drive in is worth a mention too. They are 1987 Nissan Pulsar XE Sedans. Normally the humble Nissan Pulsar is not one that fills your soul with excitement but these ones were rolled out with tweaks prepared by the Nissan Special Vehicle Division (SVD) in Australia. They had tuned length stainless steel extractors, Bilstein shocks all round, specially returned springs and struts, 14" x 6" alloy wheels wrapped in Goodyear Eagle tyres, and a Viscous LSD mated to a 5-speed manual transmission. As far as I know only 200 of these special Pulsars were ever produced now making them a very rare car indeed.
The second part of the two part series focuses on the preparation for the race itself and we begin to discover more about James’s true motivation for getting behind the wheel, which is to pull chicks. James notes that Stirling Moss’ is already good at this as all he needs to do to bring in the girls is take off his shirt, which he seems to do a lot during this show. Or as James puts it, his “…white helmet had been drawing the girls like moths to a light house for almost 40 years”. Now James wanted a piece of the action and pulling on his racing suit seems to give him some renewed confidence. James tries his newly discovered racing driver charms on an attractive Adelaide TV presenter and manages to get himself a nice romantic drive up to the hills. By the time he gets to the race itself James has learned to keep up the appearance of a real racing driver on and off the track.
This is a thoroughly enjoyable film, It gives us a hilarious candid look at a number of greats who have now passed on, Clive James, Stirling Moss, James Hunt, Ayton Senna and Barry Sheene. Fortunately for us most of these people survived their racing careers and left us with some great memories. As James himself puts it “There’s a fine line between the understeer and the undertaker.”
